sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
