Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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