can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
