after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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