I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
