What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
