Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
