What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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