I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
