you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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