i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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