1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
