we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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