the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
