Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
