Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
