Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Did you just throw up mid-sentence?

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I'm chasing vodka with french fries.

Fav 24 3382 898
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(201): View more from New Jersey

kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.

Fav 44 6964 2070
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(317): View more from Indiana

Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.

Fav 14 1468 2983
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(703): View more from Virginia

I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.

(757): View more from Virginia

you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.

Fav 7 2158 937
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(941): View more from Florida

Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs

Fav 13 3118 708
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys

Fav 10 1783 678
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(518): View more from New York

I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up

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(907): View more from Alaska

Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?

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