Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
