Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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