i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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