The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
