Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
