Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
