At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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