Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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