omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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