and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
