What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
