here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
