i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
