my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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