I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
