he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
