I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
