I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
