he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
