I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
