My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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