What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
