I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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