how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
