I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
