there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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