If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Alive.
So much puke
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
