There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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