I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
