i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
