just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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