I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
