my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I still have a little drunk in my system
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
