I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
